yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
