Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
