He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
