There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
