We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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