Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
