you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
