im six kinds of drunk right now
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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