Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
