my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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