Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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