They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
