There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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