At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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