There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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