god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
