you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
