on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
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We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
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I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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