i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
