Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
