Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
