Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
