Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Ambien. No doubt about it.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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