I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
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Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
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his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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