she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
He passed out mid-signature
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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