He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
