a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
