The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
