i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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