So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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