I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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