I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
