My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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