My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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