took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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