when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
