I showed him my bush... on skype.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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