M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
