I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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