he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
My feet surprised me
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