I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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