I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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