as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
