I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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