I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
