Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
