Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
