i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
