My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
