now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
