We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
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He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
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So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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