Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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