My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
