i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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