using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
