i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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