Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
