My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
