My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
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