I can't watch pbs sober anymore
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
