last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
