Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
